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Updated! World's Shortest Movie Reviews
Iron Man 3 Don't be sad, he can make more suits.
Lincoln Crack for historians.
Bully I'm sorry, but I've never seen a more clueless bunch of parents and--especially--educators.
Fat Head If you want to regain some intelligence after watching Supersize Me, watch this.
The Hobbit Not a movie. An achievement.
Red Dawn Uh, those North Koreans look pretty well fed. Almost as well fed as the Chinese. Good explosions.
Expendables 2 Someone had the genius idea to film the Random Facts About Chuck Norris. And kudos to Chuck because the film had almost no cursing.
Lincoln Brilliant. Funny. Sad. Daniel Day Lewis should get an Oscar by Constitutional amendment.
2016: Obama's America Great for high and low info voters. Not much new for the high info voter, but some good theoretical discussion. Dinesh is still a punk for agreeing to an interview, then ducking my harder questions.
The Dark Knight Rises: Best treatment of the hero theme ever. Great re-imagining of the Russian Revolution, also.
The Amazing Spiderman: Better than the original. Here's why: Emma Stone way better than Kirsten Dunce. The kid who plays Spidey is way better than Toby McGuire. Closer to the comic from what I understand. No silly Power Rangers mask on villain. I like how they keep him in high school. Martin Sheen gets shot.
Three Stooges: Turning Moe loose on the cast of Jersey Shore? Masterful.
The Avengers: The only word for how awesome this movie is: Dude.
Winter's Bone: Jennifer Lawrence deserves an Oscar for just reading this script. Let's just say don't stray too far out of Branson if you're ever up in the Ozarks.
The Hunger Games: The Running Man for pre-teen girls. But with more stabbing.
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon: A jackhammer of an action movie. Wildly xceeded my low expectations.
Super 8: Thank you Misters Spielberg and Abrams. The former may be a pinko commie lib, but he knows what he's doing. The latter may be a jerk around artist when he's got years to tell a story. But give him just a couple of hours, and he's dead on. Great, great old school 80s era Spielberg flick.
True Grit: I didn't want to like it out of respect for The Duke, but dang it if those Cohen brothers aren't masterful.
X-Men First Class: Yet another home run from Marvel. It's funny, the first time I saw Magneto's helmet, I thought "That would look great on Kevin Bacon."
The Hangover 2: Um. Yeah. Sick. My sainted wife picked this one. I'm sure the prospect of seeing Bradley Cooper's Magnum PI caliber chest had nothing to do with it.Thor: On par with Iron Man, which means top-notch. Jeremy Shockey is great as Thor. What? That's not Jeremy Shockey? Well, he should sue then.
Battle: LASo, that's what happened on the ground on Independence Day. Seriously, very good movie.
Tangled: A Burkean mix of aesthetics and respect for tradition. In other words, it was pretty cool.
Voyage of the Dawn Treader: Spectacular. Some visuals that are so beautiful they almost hurt to look at.
Tron: Legacy: I don't know why they had to mess with perfection.
The A-Team: I wasn't a believer until stuff blew up. Then I was, like, "yeah!"Waiting for Superman: I haven't been this disappointed since I found out that To Kill a Mockingbird wasn't a documentary.
The Book of Eli: Had the potential for one of the greatest endings in movie history but pissed it away with one scene.
She's Out of My League: Is there a RomCom factory somewhere and can we blow it up in the A-Team sequal?
Waking Sleeping Beauty: I liked the Pixar Story much better. It's basically the same movie about movies.
Clash of the Titans: Yelling "Release the Kraken!" when you go into the men's room is still funny. But it has been funny since the 80's, so...
Date Night: Not your average RomCom. I think this is the movie Alfred Hitchcock was trying to make when he slapped North by Northwest together.
Iron Man 2: Keep them coming. Please.
Lincoln Crack for historians.
Bully I'm sorry, but I've never seen a more clueless bunch of parents and--especially--educators.
Fat Head If you want to regain some intelligence after watching Supersize Me, watch this.
The Hobbit Not a movie. An achievement.
Red Dawn Uh, those North Koreans look pretty well fed. Almost as well fed as the Chinese. Good explosions.
Expendables 2 Someone had the genius idea to film the Random Facts About Chuck Norris. And kudos to Chuck because the film had almost no cursing.
Lincoln Brilliant. Funny. Sad. Daniel Day Lewis should get an Oscar by Constitutional amendment.
2016: Obama's America Great for high and low info voters. Not much new for the high info voter, but some good theoretical discussion. Dinesh is still a punk for agreeing to an interview, then ducking my harder questions.
The Dark Knight Rises: Best treatment of the hero theme ever. Great re-imagining of the Russian Revolution, also.
The Amazing Spiderman: Better than the original. Here's why: Emma Stone way better than Kirsten Dunce. The kid who plays Spidey is way better than Toby McGuire. Closer to the comic from what I understand. No silly Power Rangers mask on villain. I like how they keep him in high school. Martin Sheen gets shot.
Three Stooges: Turning Moe loose on the cast of Jersey Shore? Masterful.
The Avengers: The only word for how awesome this movie is: Dude.
Winter's Bone: Jennifer Lawrence deserves an Oscar for just reading this script. Let's just say don't stray too far out of Branson if you're ever up in the Ozarks.
The Hunger Games: The Running Man for pre-teen girls. But with more stabbing.
Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon: A jackhammer of an action movie. Wildly xceeded my low expectations.
Super 8: Thank you Misters Spielberg and Abrams. The former may be a pinko commie lib, but he knows what he's doing. The latter may be a jerk around artist when he's got years to tell a story. But give him just a couple of hours, and he's dead on. Great, great old school 80s era Spielberg flick.
True Grit: I didn't want to like it out of respect for The Duke, but dang it if those Cohen brothers aren't masterful.
X-Men First Class: Yet another home run from Marvel. It's funny, the first time I saw Magneto's helmet, I thought "That would look great on Kevin Bacon."
The Hangover 2: Um. Yeah. Sick. My sainted wife picked this one. I'm sure the prospect of seeing Bradley Cooper's Magnum PI caliber chest had nothing to do with it.Thor: On par with Iron Man, which means top-notch. Jeremy Shockey is great as Thor. What? That's not Jeremy Shockey? Well, he should sue then.
Battle: LASo, that's what happened on the ground on Independence Day. Seriously, very good movie.
Tangled: A Burkean mix of aesthetics and respect for tradition. In other words, it was pretty cool.
Voyage of the Dawn Treader: Spectacular. Some visuals that are so beautiful they almost hurt to look at.
Tron: Legacy: I don't know why they had to mess with perfection.
The A-Team: I wasn't a believer until stuff blew up. Then I was, like, "yeah!"Waiting for Superman: I haven't been this disappointed since I found out that To Kill a Mockingbird wasn't a documentary.
The Book of Eli: Had the potential for one of the greatest endings in movie history but pissed it away with one scene.
She's Out of My League: Is there a RomCom factory somewhere and can we blow it up in the A-Team sequal?
Waking Sleeping Beauty: I liked the Pixar Story much better. It's basically the same movie about movies.
Clash of the Titans: Yelling "Release the Kraken!" when you go into the men's room is still funny. But it has been funny since the 80's, so...
Date Night: Not your average RomCom. I think this is the movie Alfred Hitchcock was trying to make when he slapped North by Northwest together.
Iron Man 2: Keep them coming. Please.