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RightNation.US: Why Am I So Glad About Having a Boy? - RightNation.US

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This is in response to the article "Why Am I So Sad About Having a Boy?" by Jen Glan of NYMag.com. As a Conservative, I fully understand the responses she got from my fellow Conservatives to her complaints about having a boy.

And yet, I understand where she is coming from . . . to a point. Where she loses me is when she promotes feminizing her little boy with pink ballet shoes and girly baby clothes. With that out of the way, I want to talk about the areas where I can relate.

When I was a little girl, of my five sisters, the one I most admired and wanted to be like and be liked by was the one born just before me. Four years older than me, she didn't like playing with me very much because of our age difference. But my mom would make her play with me sometimes anyway because I wanted to play with her so badly.

One of the games that we would play was mommy to our babies and our babies were our dogs. We would dress our dogs up in clothes and pretend they were our babies. We both wanted the girl doggy because of the cute girl clothes that we could put on her. Unfortunately, we only had one girl dog so one of us would have to play with the boy dog. Since my sister was lowering herself to play with me, she insisted on always being the one to play with the girl dog. So it made me sad that I never got to dress up the girl dog in girl clothing.

I know this sounds silly but when I got pregnant I was hoping to have a girl just so I could dress her up in girly clothes. I wanted to buy the pretty little dresses and bows for her hair. I dreamt of how I would brush her hair for hours and put it in pigtails and all sorts of hairdos. I know this is not what is important in life but it is fun and was a big dream of mine.

Plus I was a bit of a feminazi back then but that comes later in this story.

So when I found out I was having a boy, there was a moment of disappointment. I was thinking once again I don't get to play dress-up with my little girl. Yeah, I was feeling sorry for myself over something that I knew I should be ashamed of for even thinking. But there it is. I had those feelings.

Fortunately for me, I got over it pretty quickly and despite myself, I could not stop myself from loving my baby boy who was still in my belly even though I was pro-abortion at the time and he was only supposed to be just a blob of cells and not a human.

I spoke to him all the time before he was born and got to give him the name I had always dreamt of giving a little boy. The funny thing is that I never had a little girl's name in my head already picked out.

On the day he was born, I was fussing with the anesthesiologist because I thought he was trying to knock me out instead of just providing oxygen. And my son was crying as well but as soon as they placed him in my arms, we both quit fussing and looked at one another staring into each other's eyes. Because of how he was looking at me, I told him so this is your mommy on the outside.

The love that I had for that little boy was explosive. I could not imagine that kind of love was possible. I mean, I loved my mom and dad like there was no tomorrow and I loved my husband at the time but there are no words to explain how much I loved that little boy and still do.

Plus I did get to dress my son up really cute because that was the time when OshKosh B'gosh had started making boy clothes that were adorable.

Then there was the incident during our hospital stay where the staff tried to give me a baby girl by accident of course. While I had previously wanted a girl, all of those desires obviously did not matter anymore because when I looked at that baby's face and saw it wasn't my son, then looked at the baby's bracelet and saw that it was pink, I instantly told the nurse this was not my baby, bring me my son.

As for how my feminazi ways affected my raising of my son, I tried to push some of those beliefs onto him but he was so all-boy that he resisted and would not let me. I would constantly talk about women being smarter than men and he loved showing me just how smart he was.

Now when my daughter-in-law became pregnant and I found out she was having a girl, I was thrilled to death that I was finally going to have the little girl I had always wanted. And this beautiful granddaughter of mine is all-girl and loves all things pink and girly. She likes cars too thanks to my car-loving son and I thoroughly enjoyed buying her first car though of course it was pink.

But when my second grandchild was on the way, I was hoping beyond hope that it was a boy because I wanted my daughter-in-law to experience the joy of being a mother to a son. While I have not had the experience of being a mother to a daughter and I'm sure I would have loved it, there is just something so special about the bond between a mother and her son.

I suspect or at least hope Jen Glan is going to learn the lessons I learned about men by becoming a mother to a son. My son taught me that all these beliefs I had about men being so different than women when it came to emotions were all bunk. While yes there are major differences between men and women, and yes the majority of us have different motivations and different automatic thought processes, when it comes to what matters, we are all the same.

We all want to love and to be loved. We all want to take care of our families and care about what happens to our family members. We all want to do everything that we can to protect those that we love. We all want a future for our descendants that is greater than what we lived. We may have different beliefs about how to get there but we do all want our children to have peace of mind, purpose and joy in living.

Men are not the enemy and they are not the cause of all that is bad in the world. Yes, there are bad people but they are not limited to one gender.

Men are wonderful and they are needed by society, by women and by our children to complete the picture and to finish the story.

Elusively yours,
ilja
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14 Comments On This Entry

Excellent post ilja, just excellent.
Reminds me of when my son came along, and the instant bond when I first held him.
But THE seminal moment when the reality of boys are boys and girls are girls came a couple of years later.
We had left his birth place, Keflavik, Iceland, and was at the new duty station, Little Creek Virginia.
We were thinking about buying a home and property, so was looking around some.
Now keep in mind that while in Iceland the boy had toys, but not so many outside ones as the weather there isn't all that conducive to lots of outside play.
Anyway, we were visiting a farm-like property, and the owner had some John Deere type toys. Not full size, but a tractor and some other farm tools.
My son took one look, his first ever that I knew of, at the tot sized tractor, yelled "zoom zoom" and climbed on!
Took forever to get him off when it was time to leave.
But I KNEW without a doubt that I had a BOY, not any kind of anything else.
I wouldn't trade my three girls for anything at all.
Nor would I trade my son.
Each is special and unique and precious in their own right.
Wanting something different for them so I feel complete?
Childish in the extreme.
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:clap::clap::clap: Very well said, ilja. You put into words perfectly how I felt when my son was born and how I feel about him today. Perfect counterpoint to the NY Mag's drivel.
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ditto to both. My first thought when reading the title of Jen Glan's article was, "wow. She must be going through her postpartum depression BEFORE she delivers."
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USNJIMRET, on 16 January 2016 - 03:17 PM, said:

Excellent post ilja, just excellent.Reminds me of when my son came along, and the instant bond when I first held him.But THE seminal moment when the reality of boys are boys and girls are girls came a couple of years later. We had left his birth place, Keflavik, Iceland, and was at the new duty station, Little Creek Virginia.We were thinking about buying a home and property, so was looking around some.Now keep in mind that while in Iceland the boy had toys, but not so many outside ones as the weather there isn't all that conducive to lots of outside play.Anyway, we were visiting a farm-like property, and the owner had some John Deere type toys. Not full size, but a tractor and some other farm tools.My son took one look, his first ever that I knew of, at the tot sized tractor, yelled "zoom zoom" and climbed on!Took forever to get him off when it was time to leave.But I KNEW without a doubt that I had a BOY, not any kind of anything else.I wouldn't trade my three girls for anything at all.Nor would I trade my son.Each is special and unique and precious in their own right.Wanting something different for them so I feel complete?Childish in the extreme.


Thank you for your kinds words Jim.

How cool to have lived in Iceland. I can't imagine a toy John Deere big enough to get on. I'm sure my son would have loved that. Heck, I would have loved that.

Yeah, children are indeed a blessing that I hope to never take for granted.
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USNRETWIFE, on 16 January 2016 - 03:20 PM, said:

:clap::clap::clap: Very well said, ilja. You put into words perfectly how I felt when my son was born and how I feel about him today. Perfect counterpoint to the NY Mag's drivel.

You're so sweet. Thank you.

I do feel like we have a lot in common. I often read your comments and find I have nothing more to add.
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Wag-a-Muffin (D), on 16 January 2016 - 05:58 PM, said:

ditto to both. My first thought when reading the title of Jen Glan's article was, "wow. She must be going through her postpartum depression BEFORE she delivers."

:lol: Leave it to Wags.
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Wonderful rebuttal, ilja. Being the parent of both, they each have their own path. The mother-son bond is unique in the same way as father-daughter.
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BARman29, on 16 January 2016 - 10:19 PM, said:

Wonderful rebuttal, ilja. Being the parent of both, they each have their own path. The mother-son bond is unique in the same way as father-daughter.

Yeah, I love watching my son with his 2-year-old daughter. What is surprising me is how much he is bonding with his 2-month-old son too.
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Wonderful essay, Ilja! My dear wife and I adopted her great-niece six years ago and now she is fourteen and iin high school. There is a lot I can't quite fathom about my daughter's ways, I leave those areas to my wife. She is in Jr ROTC and when she wears her uniform to school every Wednesday my heart fills with pride. And I woud have just as gladly been blessed with a son, but I am so grateful that God brought this little girl into our lives when she was a teeny little seven year old. I only hope I can live long enough to walk her down the aisle some day.
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east dallasite, on 17 January 2016 - 12:13 AM, said:

Wonderful essay, Ilja! My dear wife and I adopted her great-niece six years ago and now she is fourteen and iin high school. There is a lot I can't quite fathom about my daughter's ways, I leave those areas to my wife. She is in Jr ROTC and when she wears her uniform to school every Wednesday my heart fills with pride. And I woud have just as gladly been blessed with a son, but I am so grateful that God brought this little girl into our lives when she was a teeny little seven year old. I only hope I can live long enough to walk her down the aisle some day.


Thank you east dallasite.

What a beautiful picture you just painted. I can feel the pride through your words. I too hope you are there to walk your beautiful daughter down the aisle.
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We had our first child in 1974, way before it became possible to know in advance what sex your baby was. I was just pleased to be pg, and didn't really care, because I figured we would have 2 or 3, so if we were lucky we would have one of each. Secretly, tho, I wanted a little girl a bit more, because I wanted to "play with her, dress her up, ect". I wanted a boy also, but later on would be fine.

Deanna came along and I was thrilled, but I knew my hubby had KIND OF wanted a son. So I asked him if he was disappointed. He said "It would have been nice to have had a boy first, but its fine". (that of course hurt my feelings. I had not learned yet that men are simple, and what he meant was, a big brother for her would have been nice) She went on to become her daddys girl, and followed him around and did everything he did, and when he was gone, I played dress-the-dolly-in-cute-dresses-and-curls. We were both delighted with our first born.

When she was 41/2 we had our second child. It was 1978, so they still could not really identify sexes, I did not even have an ultra sound, as they were only used at that time in our town, on troubled pregnancies. BUT, it was a fad then, to put draino in a jar and pee in it. If it turned blue, it would be a boy, and green for a girl. Mine turned blue, so I was pretty sure it would be a boy and that is what I really wanted that time, it was time for a boy. To our great delight, God gave us our boy. I had fun with him in a different way, dressed him as cute as I could (love those Osh Kosh cloths) and had fun buying Boy things. I was not raised with a brother, my brother came along after I married, just 2 years before Deanna, so it was really fun learning about little boys. We were close, he was all boy, played quietly with his legos for hours when he could not play outside with his Tonkas. He held my hand when we were out and about, until he was 11, and since we lived in such a small place, I had to break him of that habit, so the boys he went to school with would not make fun of him. I really missed that tho.

To some it up, this Jen chick, IMO, is not ready for motherhood. Nobody is perfect and we all tend to learn as we go along, but I do not understand just not being happy to have a baby, (so many cannot) and to just pray for a healthy child. I just do not understand this new generation. I want everyone to know, I am raising my grandkids the old fashioned way. One is 12 and one is 17 and has aspbergers, snf neither one of them has or wants a cell phone. They have chores. They have boundaries. We do not give rewards for participation and they are expected to try their hardest at things. They have manners and sit on the floor if there is not enough chairs for the adults.

I hope she gets it together soon.

And, Ilja, great blog!!!! Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you KenaiLady.

Now that you mention it, I can't remember knowing ahead of time either. I think I just knew he was going to be a boy and I'm not sure if that was mother's intuition or me being pessimistic because I had wanted a girl. But truthfully I just always knew.

Either way, maybe that's why my disappointment did not last long. I had already accepted he was a boy before he was born even though we didn't get ultrasounds for anyone but those with risky pregnancies back then. He was born in 1981.

I love the way you are raising your grandkids. I wish I had been more like that and yet I've very proud of how my son turned out.

Though honestly I have to give most of the credit to God because as a single mom since he was around 12, I knew I did not have the ability to be a dad to him and since his dad was not around that much, my biggest prayer was that God would teach my son the things that I failed to teach him and I believe that He did.

I love my son so much and I love my God so much too.
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Three cheers for that blog, it was one of the most beautiful articles I have ever read.
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JAG 8, on 08 February 2016 - 06:43 PM, said:

Three cheers for that blog, it was one of the most beautiful articles I have ever read.


:blush: That is very kind of you. I hope you have a great day since you just made mine.
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ilja's Corny Corner

A Doctor, A Lawyer, A Little Boy And A Priest
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

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ilja's Favorite RightNation Quotes

View Postspt, on 03 May 2011 - 05:32 PM, said:

I think maybe we should all go for a drink and ask for the new drink....it is called the Bin Laden...2 shots and a splash of water :drinkers: :drinkers:
http://i147.photobuc.../lmaosmiley.gif

View PostBrian Fellow, on 15 December 2012 - 02:45 PM, said:

Sorry was busy reading a tweet from an adamant 'pro-choice' person about gun control and 'how many children have to die before we do something'?

http://i147.photobuc...%202/anj_up.gif A perfect example of both irony and hypocrisy.

Quote

John Mauldin relates the details of a conversation he had with John Boehner, the Speaker of the House of Representatives.

At the :50 Maudlin describes Boehner telling him that Obama has,
“…balls made out of marshmallows…”

View PostSonofThunder, on 26 February 2013 - 05:47 AM, said:

If that is true, why do we see Boehner continually backing down and rolling over while Obama stands firm and never compromises?

View PostGertie Keddle, on 26 February 2013 - 06:34 AM, said:

'Cause he's a Campfire Girl?
http://i147.photobuc...06/kneeslap.gif

NEVER FORGET!

Staff Sgt. Matt Maupin’s long road home ended Saturday in a blaze of yellow ribbons, the silent tribute of people who lined the roads, and the respect of thousands more who filed past his coffin at a public visitation . . . “If four people showed up, that’s OK with me,” said Keith Maupin, the soldier’s father, as he took a mid-afternoon break outside the Civic Center, where many came up to him to shake his hand or give him a hug . . . Matt Maupin became the face of the war in Iraq for thousands here and across the country in April 2004, when an Arab TV station aired a tape showing the Union Township soldier kneeling and surrounded by masked men carrying automatic rifles . . .Four years and millions of prayers later, a tip from an Iraqi citizen led U.S. soldiers to the farm area northwest of Baghdad where Matt Maupin’s remains were found on March 20 . . .Scoutmaster David Bacon said the boys of Troop 511 had been well aware of the story of Matt Maupin and wanted to pay their own tribute.“I’ve talked to them many times about Matt,” said Bacon, whose cousin, Lance Cpl. David Kreuter, was killed in Iraq in 2005. “They understand it was the sacrifice of young men like Matt that gives us the freedom to meet every Monday night. There are places in the world where Boy Scouting is not allowed.” http://i147.photobuc.../3yqo3h0.gifPFC Keith Matthew MaupinCaptured in IraqApril 9, 2004

We Owe Them So Much

http://i147.photobuc.../troopsspin.gifNever Mind the Cost by c.m.steppe ©2001 There's a young man far from home, Called in time of war; Sent to defend our freedom On some distant foreign shore. On some distant foreign shore. We pray You keep him safe, We pray You keep him strong, We pray You send him safely home ... For he's been away so long. For he's been away so long. There's a young woman far from home, Serving U.S.A. with pride. Her every step is strong and sure, Courage in every stride. Courage in every stride. We pray You keep her safe, We pray You keep her strong, We pray You send her safely home ... For she's been away too long. For she's been away too long. Bless those who wait their safe return. Bless those who mourn the lost. Bless those who serve this country well, Never mind the cost. Never mind the cost. God, Bless America!

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An Email From God?

I got this in an email today and though it doesn't say who wrote it, I don't doubt these things could have happened.'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL' You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news On September 11, 2001. Neither will I. I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK..I am ready to go.' I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night. I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said. 'Of course I will show you the way home - only believe in Me now.' I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered. I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them. I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan ... I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news. Did you sense Me? I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew every name - though not all know Me. Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor. Some sought Me with their last breath. Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me. But, I was there. I did not place you in the Tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me? Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you. But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are 'ready to go.' I will be in the stairwell of your final moments. God http://i147.photobuc...3/knowjesus.gif