RightNation.US
News (Home) | Righters' Blog | Hollywood Halfwits | Our Store | New User Intro | Link to us | Support Us

RightNation.US: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? - RightNation.US

Jump to content

-----
I don't usually do this but this morning while I was looking for a joke to post in my ilja's corny corner block, I ran across a joke that was so funny I felt it deserved it own's blog. This is from my favorite jokes site "The Good Clean Funnies List" aka www.gcfl.net.

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

<snip>

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
Do you have any to add? Here are a couple of my own additions though I don't claim to be as clever as whomever wrote the above.

BILL O'REILLY: Mr. Chicken, if you get any flack for crossing that road, you just let ME know and I'll make sure whoever is giving you the flack is taken care of.

GERALDO RIVERA: The chicken was just wanting to lay the eggs that Americans won't lay. Anyone who doesn't agree must be an extremist chicken bigot!

BARRY LYNN (Executive Director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State): How dare the chicken cross the road. Doesn't he know that the road was funded by our taxes, which are collected by the government and the Constitution clearly states there is a separation of Church and State. No crosses should be allowed on any government funded roads!

Elusively yours,
ilja
0
  Like

20 Comments On This Entry

the chicken: "Buk-cok!"
0
Ron Gettlefinger (UAW) Because it heard the government was giving out unlimited supplies of free chicken feed on the other side.
0
Obama's should have said:

That chicken was part of the chicken redistribution program. We take your chicken and spread him around so that everyone can enjoy the chicken.
0
Ilja!!
That Barry Lynn is the best!! "No crosses"
:2cents:
0
Fred Phelps:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but you can be sure me and my followers are going to be there picketing when he does.
0

quixoticconundrum, on Jan 4 2009, 11:27 AM, said:

the chicken: "Buk-cok!"

I don't get it. I think I'm having a brain-freeze. :2cents:
0

katnapper, on Jan 4 2009, 11:29 AM, said:

Ron Gettlefinger (UAW) Because it heard the government was giving out unlimited supplies of free chicken feed on the other side.

http://www.cosgan.de.../frech/e040.gif
0

Riothouse, on Jan 4 2009, 11:42 AM, said:

Obama's should have said:

That chicken was part of the chicken redistribution program. We take your chicken and spread him around so that everyone can enjoy the chicken.

Yeah! I like your's much better. http://i147.photobuc...%204/JC_Hi5.gif I thought the Obama one was a little lame.
0

USNJIMRET, on Jan 4 2009, 11:49 AM, said:

Ilja!!
That Barry Lynn is the best!! "No crosses"
:2cents:

Thank you, thank you very much. http://i147.photobuc...lies/Laie_3.gif
0

wag-a-muffin, on Jan 4 2009, 11:56 AM, said:

Fred Phelps:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but you can be sure me and my followers are going to be there picketing when he does.

http://i147.photobuc...ies/mosking.gif I almost sent this to you so you could do some cartoons for it.
0

Guest_Nocalscot_*, on Jan 4 2009, 12:43 PM, said:

Rev wright: because the CHICKENNN was comin HOME to roost!

http://i147.photobuc...%204/laugh3.gif Now that was hilarious!
0

ilja, on Jan 4 2009, 03:52 PM, said:

Guest_Nocalscot_*, on Jan 4 2009, 12:43 PM, said:

Rev wright: because the CHICKENNN was comin HOME to roost!

http://i147.photobuc...%204/laugh3.gif Now that was hilarious!

That is hilarious!
0
Rod Blagojevich (Gov Illinois) Because he wanted all of those who were trying to get him impeached before he appointed anyone to fill Obama's Senate seat to eat crow.
0
Tastes just like spotted owl . And the tire marks add a nice flavor. :2cents:
0
The windshield test is one story that I will share with my students. Thanks for the laugh.
0
C'mon, as every Texan knows, it was to prove to the Armadillo that it could be done!
0

Noclevermoniker, on Jan 5 2009, 11:24 AM, said:

C'mon, as every Texan knows, it was to prove to the Armadillo that it could be done!

:2cents: Leave it to a Texan to come up with a smart aspirin response. :P
0

Noclevermoniker, on Jan 5 2009, 12:24 PM, said:

C'mon, as every Texan knows, it was to prove to the Armadillo that it could be done!


In Tennessee we say "so he could prove to the possum that it could be done." :lol:
0
maybe he got tired of all the henpecking athome!
0
:hug: You guys are so crazy!
0
Page 1 of 1

ilja's Corny Corner

A Doctor, A Lawyer, A Little Boy And A Priest
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

link

3 user(s) viewing

3 Guests
0 member(s)
0 anonymous member(s)

ilja's Favorite RightNation Quotes

View Postspt, on 03 May 2011 - 05:32 PM, said:

I think maybe we should all go for a drink and ask for the new drink....it is called the Bin Laden...2 shots and a splash of water :drinkers: :drinkers:
http://i147.photobuc.../lmaosmiley.gif

View PostBrian Fellow, on 15 December 2012 - 02:45 PM, said:

Sorry was busy reading a tweet from an adamant 'pro-choice' person about gun control and 'how many children have to die before we do something'?

http://i147.photobuc...%202/anj_up.gif A perfect example of both irony and hypocrisy.

Quote

John Mauldin relates the details of a conversation he had with John Boehner, the Speaker of the House of Representatives.

At the :50 Maudlin describes Boehner telling him that Obama has,
“…balls made out of marshmallows…”

View PostSonofThunder, on 26 February 2013 - 05:47 AM, said:

If that is true, why do we see Boehner continually backing down and rolling over while Obama stands firm and never compromises?

View PostGertie Keddle, on 26 February 2013 - 06:34 AM, said:

'Cause he's a Campfire Girl?
http://i147.photobuc...06/kneeslap.gif

NEVER FORGET!

Staff Sgt. Matt Maupin’s long road home ended Saturday in a blaze of yellow ribbons, the silent tribute of people who lined the roads, and the respect of thousands more who filed past his coffin at a public visitation . . . “If four people showed up, that’s OK with me,” said Keith Maupin, the soldier’s father, as he took a mid-afternoon break outside the Civic Center, where many came up to him to shake his hand or give him a hug . . . Matt Maupin became the face of the war in Iraq for thousands here and across the country in April 2004, when an Arab TV station aired a tape showing the Union Township soldier kneeling and surrounded by masked men carrying automatic rifles . . .Four years and millions of prayers later, a tip from an Iraqi citizen led U.S. soldiers to the farm area northwest of Baghdad where Matt Maupin’s remains were found on March 20 . . .Scoutmaster David Bacon said the boys of Troop 511 had been well aware of the story of Matt Maupin and wanted to pay their own tribute.“I’ve talked to them many times about Matt,” said Bacon, whose cousin, Lance Cpl. David Kreuter, was killed in Iraq in 2005. “They understand it was the sacrifice of young men like Matt that gives us the freedom to meet every Monday night. There are places in the world where Boy Scouting is not allowed.” http://i147.photobuc.../3yqo3h0.gifPFC Keith Matthew MaupinCaptured in IraqApril 9, 2004

We Owe Them So Much

http://i147.photobuc.../troopsspin.gifNever Mind the Cost by c.m.steppe ©2001 There's a young man far from home, Called in time of war; Sent to defend our freedom On some distant foreign shore. On some distant foreign shore. We pray You keep him safe, We pray You keep him strong, We pray You send him safely home ... For he's been away so long. For he's been away so long. There's a young woman far from home, Serving U.S.A. with pride. Her every step is strong and sure, Courage in every stride. Courage in every stride. We pray You keep her safe, We pray You keep her strong, We pray You send her safely home ... For she's been away too long. For she's been away too long. Bless those who wait their safe return. Bless those who mourn the lost. Bless those who serve this country well, Never mind the cost. Never mind the cost. God, Bless America!

Recent Entries

Disclaimer

Search My Blog

An Email From God?

I got this in an email today and though it doesn't say who wrote it, I don't doubt these things could have happened.'MEET ME IN THE STAIRWELL' You say you will never forget where you were when you heard the news On September 11, 2001. Neither will I. I was on the 110th floor in a smoke filled room with a man who called his wife to say 'Good-Bye.' I held his fingers steady as he dialed. I gave him the peace to say, 'Honey, I am not going to make it, but it is OK..I am ready to go.' I was with his wife when he called as she fed breakfast to their children. I held her up as she tried to understand his words and as she realized he wasn't coming home that night. I was in the stairwell of the 23rd floor when a woman cried out to Me for help. 'I have been knocking on the door of your heart for 50 years!' I said. 'Of course I will show you the way home - only believe in Me now.' I was at the base of the building with the Priest ministering to the injured and devastated souls. I took him home to tend to his Flock in Heaven. He heard my voice and answered. I was on all four of those planes, in every seat, with every prayer. I was with the crew as they were overtaken. I was in the very hearts of the believers there, comforting and assuring them that their faith has saved them. I was in Texas , Virginia , California , Michigan , Afghanistan ... I was standing next to you when you heard the terrible news. Did you sense Me? I want you to know that I saw every face. I knew every name - though not all know Me. Some met Me for the first time on the 86th floor. Some sought Me with their last breath. Some couldn't hear Me calling to them through the smoke and flames; 'Come to Me... this way... take my hand.' Some chose, for the final time, to ignore Me. But, I was there. I did not place you in the Tower that day. You may not know why, but I do. However, if you were there in that explosive moment in time, would you have reached for Me? Sept. 11, 2001, was not the end of the journey for you. But someday your journey will end. And I will be there for you as well. Seek Me now while I may be found. Then, at any moment, you know you are 'ready to go.' I will be in the stairwell of your final moments. God http://i147.photobuc...3/knowjesus.gif