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Real Life Mean Girls

Real Life Mean GirlsGuest blog by KiervinOk, don’t get me wrong, I was a kid once. I remember all the girl-on-girl social crime that happens in the 10 to 17 set. That doesn’t make it any easier when you see your daughter suffering at the hands of little turds like mine currently is.We’ve been in our new home for a little over a month. The first week my daughter was greeted by two seemingly nice girls who wanted to be friends. Four weeks later I’m scraping buggers off my front door and fielding phone calls from the stoned father of one of them who proclaims his daughter the victim of mine. What?Let me back up. My daughter is a bright, attractive, and talented eleven-year-old. She is a black belt in Taekwondo, a nationally ranked competitor, and basically has her act together. I’m not saying she’s perfect. There are days I would rather smack her than hug her. But, she is consistently respectful, helpful, and attentive to her teachers and instructors so there isn’t anything more I could reasonably ask for from her. In Hawaii, she had some great friends (and only one known “enemy” who hated her solely based on color). She would never betray another-she’s all about collectivism and the whole (that Asian influence runs deep).That is why the incidents over the past week have been so upsetting to our household. That is why I just got done yelling at a father for half an hour in full bitch mode. It started a week ago last Thursday. My daughter came through the front door in tears after riding the bus home. I got her calmed down and she told me how her friend “Amanda” had kicked her out of her seat on the bus. Now I knew they always sat together, but I also knew that Amanda had a house guest so I figured there was a reason she might not be seeing. Amanda and her houseguest got on the bus after my daughter was seated then proceeded to tell her to move so they could have the seat with someone else. My daughter moved (I explained the folly of that decision). She then spent the next thirty minutes dodging crumbled paper bombs from behind. I’m not pointing any fingers, you can connect your own dots.I explained Amanda probably was told by her mom to stay with the other child and not to make a big deal of it. She admitted she wouldn’t talk to them after they made her move and said she would apologize for it. I thought the problem was solved.Two hours later she was back inside crying that they had slammed the door in her face. I told her to let it go and see what happens.Fast forward to this week. My daughter had the flu and was miserable. Her cell phone rings and it is “Amanda’s” number. She answers it and gets the heavy breathing game. She makes some smart ass comment (that would have gotten her grounded if she didn’t follow it up by throwing up on my couch) and hangs up. A few minutes later it rings again and Amanda does some stupid sesame street skit. My daughter hangs up and there were no more calls. That seemed to be that.Here is where I go wrong. I couldn’t let it go. I figure that after a week all I’ve heard to justify their behavior is that my daughter supposedly said something about Amanda’s houseguest having freckles. Actually, she was telling another kid to shut up and stop being stupid that tons of people have freckles, but they only heard freckles and this girl’s name and thought the worst… So, I walked over to meet my new neighbors and express my concern. I don’t mind kids arguing and fighting, I do mind getting prank phone calls between bouts of puking.Mom answers the door stoned. Not a great first impression. Then proceeds to tell me my daughter is a menace. Really, how many prank phone calls have you gotten today, Ms. MaryJane? So, I calmly explain that I understand kids will be kids but I draw the line at harassment and can she please put a stop to it. To her credit she said she would and calls the girls in to talk to them.Next day I take the kids shopping. We were gone for half an hour. Amanda was sitting on the curb in front of her house when I left. When I got home wet buggers were smeared on my door… I cleaned them up and was going to let it go. Until the little heathen knocked on the door today to get earrings she left over when she spent the night prior to her campaign of terror. I took them out to her and told her I didn’t appreciate her little present and it better not happen again or we would be sitting down with her dad. Dad called an hour later to yell at me for threatening her. I unleashed momma bear hell on him. Throughout the course of the conversation he admitted that Amanda has had problems like this before (no really?) Then he said there were no problems until my daughter moved in (which is it Skippy? Put down the joint and concentrate.) He claims my daughter brought it on herself, as did I by complaining about the calls and that she cries too much and the other kids don't like that… That was it. I made it clear that I was willing to let this go with a clear warning that I had his kid’s number and would not look the other way again, but if I had one more “present” I was calling the police. I did not move half way around the world to my dream home to deal with <censored> like this…I don’t do drama like this. If I wanted drama, I’d call my mom. I don’t, I avoid it. I understand my daughter is the new one in the neighborhood and needs to merge into the existing kids, but I’m not so sure I want her to. Mean girls suck. I thought when I graduated a million years ago I was done with them for good. My god, it looks like it is all starting again and this time I cannot beat them up how I did in high-school.
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24 Comments On This Entry

My daughter's eleven too. I think any mother that experienced that kind of crap from other females as a child/teenager is terrified that her daughter will go through the same sh**. I am so sorry that your family is dealing with this right now. I'm sure that the little beyotch is that way because of (not in spite of) her parents. I guess that the only advice I could give is to pray about it.

Actually, now that I think about it, I can tell you about something that happened to me a couple of years ago to see if you can glean anything from it. When I moved into my neighborhood, I was almost immediately brought into a "group." None of the people in this group liked my next door neighbor. Well, eventually I got to know the neighbors next door and discovered that they were nice folks. This was considered an unforgivable act of treason by the little group, so a campaign of harassment started. I had an odd neighbor across the street that I'd been kind of distancing myself from (erratic, never answered her door, four kids from three dads), and she was drafted to be the new member of the group (even though they had hated her). The neighbors across the street and another group member had teenage daughters that would sit on the front porch across the street and take my picture and otherwise constantly harass me. Plus, the mean old lady of the group tried to tell anyone who would listen that I was a tramp after all of the husbands. Finally, they took over the HOA and started trying to run my friends out of the neghborhood by constantly inspecting/fining them for minor and invented infractions.

That's when I decided that this crap was NOT going to happen anymore. To cover their tracks (and because they're jerks) these people sent fines or warnings for minor infractions to large portions of the neighborhood. (With my friends it was much worse.) Anyways, I took some lovely Polaroids of THEIR yards to show that they were guilty of the same things they were accusing others of, and I walked a petition around the entire neighborhood asking that they be removed from their positions. Seventy percent of my neighborhood signed. Buh-bye! The neighbor across the street continued to harass me and cuss at me constantly, until I confronted him about the strange, sexual way he dealt with his teenage stepdaughter. (He used to take her for rides in his sports car alone---often. Much worse, one day when she was 12 or 13, I heard him yell to her IN THE FRONT YARD, "If you don't like it, you can come here and kiss my ass!" He then proceeded to partially pull his shorts down, and tell her to "Come here and kiss my ass!" :blink: ) I wanted to tell the police about these creeps, but somehow this creepy group had managed to convince some of the local yokels that they were victims. I did have one detective and a magistrate on my side though. Anyways, after I told the maybe molester across the street what I saw and asked him what kind of grown man speaks to a young girl that way, they had a "For Sale" sign in front of the house within two months. Now the mean old bat and the family of the other teenage girl are pretty much socially isolated in the neighborhood. Plus, the other teenage girl is having some problems that are painfully obvious to even the most casual observer. I'm not a big enough person to not enjoy that knowledge. :scratch: (Must go to confession!)

So far my eleven year-old is sailing through life without attracting much negative attention. I think that part of her secret is that she has inherited my husband's sunny personality and ability to mostly shrug off people not liking her. It does seem like the bullies and jerks of the world zero in the people who are hurt by their crap (like me), and people like my husband and daughter who don't need people liking them tend to sail through life without as much negative attention. :blink: I'll say a prayer for your family, and trust in God that he will help. I was at my wit's end when I got the petition idea and the idea to finally confront the guy across the street, and I really do think that God gave me the answers for my problems. I hope that something I said helps you; every time I tell the story of what happened in my neighborhood it's like therapy for me, so thanks for reading! :rant:

ETA: Yes, I do worry about that girl who may have been being molested, but I really just could not get the local authorities to listen to much that I said about any of these folks. Because the yucky people had started spewing their venom first, a lot of the local authorities seemed to suggest that they were more believable or that neither side could be trusted. Even the magistrate and the detective on my side believed his behavior was ummm....creepy, but not actionable. They've moved to another state now.
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exsailorette, on Feb 12 2006, 11:01 PM, said:

Actually, now that I think about it, I can tell you about something that happened to me a couple of years ago to see if you can glean anything from it. 


Thanks for sharing this. And, I did get something from it... a major perspective check on just how minor this really is!

Someday someone will have to start a thread about homeowners associations. I executed a hostile take over of our old one when it became clear they were skimming funds. Little did we know it would amount to 400K dollars when we first started fighting them.

My daughter is back and forth emotionally right now. It is hard enough moving, moving somewhere with such a different cultural climate is really tough, and moving with Dad off fighting a war is just the icing on the cake. We talked this morning and I basically told her to be polite, reserved, and untrusting of everyone from here on out.
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Leaf, on Feb 13 2006, 04:34 AM, said:

I wasn't that lucky, the high point of my middle school years was being accused of being a lesbian. And yet, I managed perfect attendence. (I love school,:scratch:)... I am TERRIFIED of having a daughter, for fear she'll inherit my middle school awkwardness and "space-case" persona. I couldn't be able to take it.

*Leaf*


My daughter is so much better off than I was as a kid. I had my good points, but by the time I was about 13 I was such a screw up it is a wonder I found my way to where I am now.

I attribute alot of this to my daughter not being in training right now. Up until this move she has always been in two or three sports. Taekwondo ate a ton of her time (3 hours a day, five days a week). She didn't interact with this "sort" of kid before, they aren't common to sports, student government or volunteer work. I just need to get a job and figure out my schedule so I can sign her up for classes and get her back to more positive activities. I have maintained for years that the only product of bored, unstimulated children is behavioral problems, this just proves I was right.

You would be a great mother!
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Newly, on Feb 13 2006, 06:51 AM, said:

Kiervin :blink:

You must be so upset, I'm so sorry for what you're going thru. Every little girl (and unfortunately big girl) knows what it's like to be bullied and picked on. Good for you for getting involved and being there.  I can't stand to see a little kid be rude to my son at the park and that's over in a minute.

You know, harassment isn't only for adults. You should get anyone involved you need to.

OR we can think of ways to get your little princess to make sure SHE is the ringleader on the bus next time. :scratch:

just kidding :rant:

We're here for you!


You know, the father said to me last night, "I'd hate to see the girls come to blows over this." It was as though he was warning me he had given his girl the go ahead.

I sat my daughter down this morning and reminded her of her obligation as a black belt in regards to fighting. (1) never hit first (2) never bully anyone (3) beat the crap out of anyone who is dumb enough to throw the first punch (no mercy).

I didn't bother to mention to Druggie Dan that Molly medaled in sparring twice this year at national events. She is a gentle, senstive child... with a wicked roundhouse and a mean right cross. :blink:
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Kiervin, on Feb 13 2006, 11:14 AM, said:

You know, the father said to me last night, "I'd hate to see the girls come to blows over this."  It was as though he was warning me he had given his girl the go ahead. 

I sat my daughter down this morning and reminded her of her obligation as a black belt in regards to fighting.  (1) never hit first (2) never bully anyone (3) beat the crap out of anyone who is dumb enough to throw the first punch (no mercy). 

I didn't bother to mention to Druggie Dan that Molly medaled in sparring twice this year at national events.  She is a gentle, senstive child... with a wicked roundhouse and a mean right cross. :scratch:


Good for your daughter, sounds like she's got her head on right. I was raised in military household, half puerto rican and half italian and catholic to boot.

My parents taught me how to fight, but ALWAYS said to never start it, but ALWAYS finish it! If I didn't I'd have to fight my dad when I got home. lol

I kinda hope this girl start some $hit with your daughter, that'd be a nice way for her to get that training kick started again. :blink:
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Wow. (Big pause.)
It is so difficult to see your children experiencing pain. Our 13-year-old has finally fit into a group at school this year after three years of alienation. Our problem was "the new girl" who Molly befriended in the fourth grade. Who systematically turned all her friends against her. It was a tough go for a while. But now there are enough of them who see "the new girl" (now an old girl) for who she is and what she does. But it was tough.

Our oldest daughter was also a victim once of a girl (who she had been best friends with) whose parents were going through a bitter divorce. She decided that my daughter was the cause of it. And treated her cruelly. (Actually I'm glad we found out the why...she would tell my daughter it was her fault as she beat her up. Talk about displaced anger!)

It is not fun going through it. And I know I would rather it happened to me, than one of my kids. But, if they learn what NOT to do to others, they will be better people.
http://i18.photobuck...g/adversity.jpg
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I have been watching my 6 year old go thru this, yer 6 years old. I can't believe it. Luckily, after it bothering her a bit, she now has gotten a better attitude about it and just ignores this child. The mother is clueless and doesn't find it the least bit odd that the teacher tells her every single thing her child does wrong. She asked if I had the same thing happen and I said, uh no.
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I remember in middle school there were two girls that were best friends, then the other girls started accusing them of being lesbians. They went home crying almost everyday because of it. I had plenty of my own problems so i never tried to help. Eventually they just stopped being friends with each other and quit talking to each other just so the other girls would leave them alone.

What can i say being a kid sucked but it is that crappy experience that turns you into a college grad just so that you can look down your nose at all those loser from elementary, middle, and high school. Well high school was not too bad by the end but praise be to God that i never have to go back.
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Leaf, on Feb 13 2006, 04:34 AM, said:

I wasn't that lucky, the high point of my middle school years was being accused of being a lesbian. And yet, I managed perfect attendence. (I love school,:scratch:)... I am TERRIFIED of having a daughter, for fear she'll inherit my middle school awkwardness and "space-case" persona. I couldn't be able to take it.

*Leaf*



Girl, you're perfect just the way you are.
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I have to agree with you, except it's not just girls. As the mother of 3 boys, 11, 9, and 3, I'd have to say that kids in general are a lot meaner than when we were younger. My 9 year old dreads going to any CHURCH functions because the boys there are so mean. They are all about the same age but they are mean as hell! What makes it worse is that no one seems to do anything about it. They pick on him and say mean things to him. Come on you would think that of all places that they would try to be good it would be at church. Obviously they aren't learning much in Sunday School. My husband says that they are just jealous, but it isn't like my son brags about anything. Anytime he says anything they tell him that he's lying, what a bunch of little punk asses! Everytime I see one of those monsters I'm ready to just pound them into the ground. I just try and encourage my son and tell him to not worry about what the others say, which is about all I can do as a parent.
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http://img.photobuck.../Dsc00535-1.jpgI know when the Spirit of God is there, animals are the first ones to mellow out."If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." Will Rogers, 1897-1935"The poor dog, in life the firmest friend,The first to welcome, foremost to defend,Whose honest heart is still the master's own,Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,Unhonour'd falls, unnoticed all his worth,Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth,While man, vain insect hopes to be forgiven,And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven."Lord Byron Inscription on the monument of his Newfoundland dog, 1808" He is your friend, your partner,your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He willbe yours, faithful and true, to the last beatof his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy ofsuch devotion." Unknown

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