Florida Recount Finally Wraps Up, Al Gore Declared President

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#1 MTP Reggie

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Posted 12 November 2018 - 09:11 AM

Florida Recount Finally Wraps Up, Al Gore Declared President
November 9th, 2018
BabylonBee

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FLORIDA—As Florida finally wrapped up its contentious recount of the votes tallied in the recent midterm elections, a winner was finally declared: Al Gore is now the president of the United States.

The recount process at long last found the "missing votes" that would have handed Gore the presidency back in 2000, making him the official president of the country.

"Well, it's about time," Gore said in his acceptance speech. "Thanks to all the fine people that made this happen. It really is too bad that the earth is going to be destroyed by fire by 2015--err, I mean, 2019, or else I could really savor my presidency."

Gore will be granted two terms as US president, ousting President Trump and canceling the 2020 election. "We just assume he would have won again and ushered in a liberal golden age," said an election official. "So he's got 8 years to reclaim his lost time. Make the most of it, Al, and great job. You deserve it!"

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#2 HardRightBambi

Right is Right and Left is Sinister

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Posted 12 November 2018 - 09:44 AM

Does this mean that "global warming" will be retroactive as well? How about that shoe sale I missed? Hooray! Social, economic, and environmental justice at last! It's all retroactive/alternate reality!

Bonus: that 10 lbs you gained will suddenly evaporate.

More bonus: only 6 yrs of the holy Mulatto instead of 8.