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#1 User is offline   MTP Reggie 

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Posted 25 March 2020 - 06:25 AM

BREAKING: Charlie Sheen tests positive for every disease except coronavirus
GENESIUS TIMES:
Exavier Saskagoochie
03/24/2020

<More Laughs Here>

During this global health crisis, Hollywood Legend and star of one of the greatest films of all time The Chase, Charlie Sheen has tested positive for every disease known to man except for coronavirus, which is plaguing the world.

With seemingly every celebrity announcing a positive coronavirus diagnosis, it's refreshing to hear of one famous person without the disease.

"Charlie does not have coronavirus," Sheen's spokeswoman Juliette Frirochette said. "And he is not planning on making a cringy video of him stuck at home singing a John Lennon cover badly or soaking in a bathtub."

Frirochette says that it's the tiger blood he drinks on the regular that has "kept the corona at bay."

"Charlie is not afraid of catching the coronavirus. Coronavirus is afraid of catching Charlie!" she added.

On November 17, 2015, Sheen publicly revealed that he was HIV positive, having been diagnosed roughly four years earlier. He recently admitted to having syphilis, cancer, diabetes, drug addiction, dropsy, and several other diseases.

But he was tested for coronavirus and was shown to be negative.

(snip)


<More Laughs Here>
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#2 User is online   erp 

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Posted 25 March 2020 - 07:26 AM

If I were the coronavirus, I'd stay away from Sheen, as well.
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#3 User is offline   Dean Adam Smithee 

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Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:37 AM

View PostMTP Reggie, on 25 March 2020 - 06:25 AM, said:

... On November 17, 2015, Sheen publicly revealed that he was HIV positive, having been diagnosed roughly four years earlier. He recently admitted to having syphilis, cancer, diabetes, drug addiction, dropsy, and several other diseases...


Given his "lifestyle", can practically guarantee that "Hepatitis C" is one of the "several other".

"Typhoid Charlie".


He and Pam Anderson should hook up. Heck, if they move in together their house could be designated a National Landmark: "The National Petri Dish for lifestyle diseases". Just be sure to put up plenty of Biohazard signs on the perimeter.

https://www.safetysign.com/images/source/large-images/G5721.png
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#4 User is offline   Dean Adam Smithee 

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Posted 25 March 2020 - 09:56 AM

View PostMTP Reggie, on 25 March 2020 - 06:25 AM, said:

Frirochette says that it's the tiger blood he drinks on the regular that has "kept the corona at bay."


I dunno about tiger blood, but maybe there's something to tiger milk. I mean, anyone willing to milk a tiger moves a notch up in my book.

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81zlnhR42bL._SL1500_.jpg

And I have a Thai friend who swears by "Tiger Balm". Just don't ask me which part of the tiger the balm came from; there are some things in life that I just don't NEED to know.

And don't even get me started on...

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1398/6475/products/12oz_PO-01_grande.png?v=1572903687


It was a brave, brave person who collected the first bag full. May they rest in peace.

This post has been edited by Dean Adam Smithee: 25 March 2020 - 01:22 PM

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