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The biggest Hollywood Hero there is!
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“The simple fact is, you've got to view this war like we've been on a long family car ride. Bush is the father and he's been screaming [gestures with arm as if a driver scolding kids in back seat] 'don't make me come back there!' for around 200 miles now and it just reached the point where we had to pull the car over and the bad kid is going to get the spanking of his life.”
“God knows that we've got things we've got to perfect in this country. But there's enough people downplaying it right now. I want to go so far against that. I want to thank the President. I want to thank the troops and say God bless you for doing the tough job which allows us to sit here and do the easy jobs, like be on the Tonight Show.”
“God knows that we've got things we've got to perfect in this country. But there's enough people downplaying it right now. I want to go so far against that. I want to thank the President. I want to thank the troops and say God bless you for doing the tough job which allows us to sit here and do the easy jobs, like be on the Tonight Show.”
http://www.mediaresearch.org/cyberalerts/2...b20030404.asp#8
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"If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign that says 'Bush is Hitler,' forget the peace thing for a second and beat his [expletive]," Miller said.
http://www.foxnews.c...3,81599,00.html
http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/ReadA...cle.asp?ID=6420
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“I think, I think he’s a good man and I think he’s done a fine job in these last two years. I don’t think he’s a great man but I would prefer that our President would be a good man because great men tend to believe they're great men and then they end up not being great men any more. I like Bush because he seems like a regular decent guy. And you know what? He’s a big picture guy. Which just shocks me. Because when he first came into the office I think many of us thought that he was the sort of guy who watched television one pixel at a time. But uh, shockingly he’s proven himself to be a big picture guy. I like his sense of humor. At least I hope it’s his sense of humor. I uh, sometimes think it’s Norm Crosby’s sense of humor. But uh, I think the thing I like most about him is that he’s not Clinton. I just think he’s a decent guy.
http://www.mediaresearch.org/cyberalerts/2...b20021108.asp#7
April 3, 2003: Dennis Miller with Jay Leno on the Tonight Show
Jay Leno: Wow! A true man of the people.
Dennis Miller: I always wanted to see what that felt like. And I always wondered if your mouth went like that. . .cause the people were standing. Or if the people stood because your mouth went like that.
D: Really?
J: Hey, ah, how ya doin' Jay?
J: I'm fine. I'm fine. No, you, every time, I neglected to ask you last time, how are your two boys?
D: Yea, Holden and Marlen, yea ah, there good. Ones about to be 13 ones about to be 9. I want thank you for showing that spring break footage that's scarring the living [bleep] out of me.
J: yea in a couple of years, Yea, five years. In five years. . .
D: I think that one chick might of drank Bortaz Nelson under the table. Hey, and when that guy said your barking up the wrong tree : did he mean? ah, No they're good ,but its tough being a parent now today's, Jay you really have to keep an eye out. I came down today, even things you think would be safe. Ya know, kids are watching the cartoon channel, I just happen to look up and there watching contraceptive sponge bob square pants.
J: Really?
J: How about the war coverage? You watching the war coverage?
D: Yea, I've been watching the war coverage. You know, I must be like . . . I don't know I'm so on the other end of the spectrum on this. I cannot tell you how proud watching that war coverage makes me. . . I mean, I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, uh, you know that what we're doing is imperialistic and that. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and you know, I've never felt more patriotic in my life. {cheers} And you know something, {cheers} that's the uh, and you know, see, . . . .{cheers} and that's the embarrassing part, because I just mean that. And this shouldn't elicit that. I think we should be like that. And I don't understand some of these antiwar protesters, now that the ship have stayed to sail.
I break these people down into four distinct camps, the anti war protesters.
First off, you have the genuine pacifist. These are people who you might not understand. They seem to have Amish turrets syndrome or something but, uh, at least they're sincere about not believing in war.
Now, the second type you have in these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world is Hitler. Bush is Hitler, Ashcroft is Hitler, Rumsfeld is Hitler. The only guy who isn't Hitler is the foreign guy with a mustache dropping people who disagree with him into the wood chipper. He's not Hitler. You know!
And then you got, ah, now the third group is the people with the, ah, political agenda. These are like, Nancy Pelosi, Tom Daschel, Teddy Kennedy. I like to think of them as the Elite Democratic Guard. And, ah, you know something, well, I'm not sure that Nancy Pelosi is going to work out. Have you had heard her talk yet? huh? That's the reason her eyes are popped up so big. Even she's shocked she's risen that high in the House of Representatives. She reminds me of Cheri Oteri's cheerleader character from Saturday Night Live, all grown up. You know. . .
And, the last and fourth group, and it seems to be the predominant group in these parades, is just the, ah, flat-out yahoo nut cakes protesters. Ya know! These guys that will show up at anything to kick a Gap window in just to make them self think they're Ben Franklin. {laughs} Ya know! You got the. . . They seemed to be suffering in other areas of there life so they join the protests. They are like these guys in Hollywood who can never get an acting a job, so instead they overproduce their answering machine message. You know, that's their show biz! {laughs} I look at these people and, think, you know something, if you'd have put half the time into your resume that did you did in your [bleep] head sign, you might not be available for mid week rallies because you might be at work like the rest of us. Okay!
Oh well, let me say this about the war protesters, at least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.
J: Well, how about the celebrities? And the celebrity, the celebrity activism?
D: Well, now you know, some people don't know when to shut up. I mean, ah, we got the Dixie Chick chick and, ah, oh boy, they are looking at a nation wide girl-caught there, okay! They, they might as well open that world tour in Basra with a cover version of with 'Walk Like an Egyptian' because. . . {laughs}. . . you know. Surprisingly, that ah, making fun of the President on foreign land in a time of war doesn't seem to play with the NASCAR crowd! You know something. . . {cheers} . . . what about. . . You know what I love is the ah, in the Dixie Chicks, is the two double mint twins who have got to flank the little gloem. And, you know they've got to be so pissed at her cause there just trying to make some music, make a buck, get the horse into the barn, all of the sudden there in the middle of this crap. Its unbelievable. Talk about a bad career move, maybe Jeff Foxworthy can start showing up in concert in a fez.
And, ah, then we've got Peter Arnett, the reporter. How am I supposed to trust the honesty of a reporter that has that bad of a comb-over on top of his head? He's got four hairs left, he's swirling them around... like some follicular dairy cream or something. You know, this guy, this guy is dangerously close to pulling hair over from another guy's head. You know. . . Peter. . . Hey guess what Pete? We know you're bald, okay? The outside of your skull is as empty as the inside.
And that, ah, that brings us to our friend Michael Moore. Now, ah, {boos} you know the old saying Jay. . . . Moore is less. Now to be honest, ah, I have not seen his documentary, ah, 'Trolling for Concubine'. But, I do think that, ah, I do think that Michael Moore presents a interesting quandary. . . And, how can such a big guy be such a small man? And you know something, Michael, if your out there tonight. If this is all such a sham. What are you even showing up to accept an Oscar for in the first place? Isn't that pretty much. . .{cheers}. . . isn't that. . .you know, isn't that pretty much the quintessential American hood ornament? At least, at least, the real Enimen had the balls not to show up, okay. And you've got to give props to the Mathers kid for that. Michael Moore is an incredible phony sham!
And you know something, the thing about Michael Moore is. . . He's going to wake up every day for the rest of his life, and he's going to tell us how he hates everything about this country, except his right to hate it. And then we say that we love it and he's going to tell us what naive sheep we are and that he's the true patriot because he hates it and he sees all the problems in it. Yeah, right, Mike. You know something, if my yawn got any bigger they'd have to assign it a hurricane name, okay? You know something uh, Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, it is that stupid moron's right to be that utterly, completely wrong!
J: There ya go. Dennis Miller. Well find out how Dennis really feels right after this ladies and gentleman.
--commercial break --
J: Welcome Back. Talking with Dennis Miller. So, lets talk about the war itself?
D: Well you know Jay listen, it is stupid for anybody in the world to say they're for war. But I am for this war because, you know, we've got to protect ourselves now. And we've got to remind the world that there is a point that we will not be pushed past, before the [bleep] hammer comes down. Now, the simple fact is, {applaudes} do I think that uh, do I think that Saddam Hussein can bury the nuclear jumper from the top of the key? No, I don't. He's a putts. But I do think he can distribute the ball going down the lane and I think we've got to smack him around. It's time to circle the SUVs!
And you know something Jay? The, ah, the simple fact is, you've got to view this war like we've been on a long family car ride. Bush is the father. And he's been screaming, [gestures with arm as if a driver scolding kids in back seat] 'Don't make me come back there!', for around 200 miles now. And it just reached the point where we had to pull the car over, and the bad kid is going to get the spanking of his life. {cheers} You know something, it was simply, {applause} its just time to [bleep] get off the pol pot!
J: pol pot?
D: And you know something. . . Yea! You know, there's, ah, a little dictator joke for ya there. Listen, you know, we waited too long on the Nazi's and. . . If we know anything its that history tends to repeat itself . . . If we know anything its that history tends to repeat itself.
J: Right exactly! Like pol pot!
D: Yea we cant wait that long. And now we've got people whining about how long the war is taking. For God's sakes it's been two weeks! You know, it took Joe Millionaire eight weeks to pick Zora. {cheers} And you know what, he didn't even enter her Baghdad.
J: Hey! But he got to her pol pot I'll bet, yeah!
D: Hey folks. Don't worry about this war. Our boys are in there, they're rocking the casaba, they're kicking ass, and taking hyphenated names. and ya know. Its only a matter of time some one of these kids gut-shots big bad voodoo bag-daddy. And, ah, you know something I would encourage the boys though not to rip down all those big wall portraits of Hussein because you got to remember, pretty soon we're going to need a headstone for my main man's grave, and, ah, you might want to save one of them for him.
J: Well How about, how about the whole oil thing?
D: Can you believe we get 5% of our oil from Iraq ? That blows my mind! What about Alaska? Is Alaska just off the charts forever? We're never going to do anything with it? Why, because the caribou live there? The caribou? I didn't even know what it was. I had to look it up. It's a huge North American reindeer. It's a reindeer who couldn't make the show. And we've given them their own state. I just think, some of this environmental stuff is a little eh. . . I know you've got to be careful there, but some of its overplayed, like global warming.
Now I wanted to look into it. . . I'm a parent. I researched it, there's a lot of differing data, but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on this planet has gone up 1.8 degrees. Am I the only one who finds that amazingly stable? At one point. . . I could go back to my hotel room tonight and flux with the thermostat for three to four hours. I could not detect that difference. I kind am glad it went up anyway, I'm almost a bit chilly any ways. What about your kids, and I go ah, its another 1.8. What about your kids' kids, another 3.6. At this time we've moved to Phoenix.
I just want to say that, um, you don't get a chance for a forum like this. And listen, God knows that we've got things we've got to perfect in this country. But there's enough people downplaying it right now. And I want to go so far against that. I want to thank the President. I want to thank the troops and say God bless you for doing the tough job which allows us to sit here and do the easy jobs, like be on the Tonight Show and talk about it. Thank you very much. {cheers}
J: Dennis Miller! Thank you Dennis!
end
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He was basicaly saying that Kerry's view and leadership style was more enlightened and Dennis was politely saying that was a load of crap. 
I wonder how the ratings are doing, I try to watch the show every night but my job makes it difficult. 
